who am i ?......

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My friend,

I am Rafeeq (28).My native place, Nandankizhaya, is a small village at Muthalamada Panchayath in Palakkad district. I am the fourth and the youngest son of a middle class family. I do not have big educational qualifications to mention. In 1998, I passed SSLC. Then I joined for a diploma course in computer at the Polytechnique College, Shornoor. After a few months, I had to temporarily say good bye to my studies due to an illness. Later, I resumed my studies for one and half years in Palakkad Polytechnic College. Unfortunately, there also I couldn’t complete my course.

The illness literally took over me and I was spending time in various Medical Colleges in Kerala and in some famous private hospitals in Tamil Nadu; of course not as a student, but as a patient who needs check up. Many renowned doctors treated me. The silly pain that had begun on the heel intensified day by day. It spread to other bone-joints and paralyzed me. Soon I stumbled down into a deep pit of unbearable pain. I literally fell down onto the wooden cot in the tiny office room of my house. I was forced to spend frighteningly unending days, merely looking at the calendar hung on the wall. I didn’t feel like days are passing. Time stood still. Yet, calendars changed many times on the wall, seven or eight times.

The more treatment I took, the more pain I got. There were poignant moments when I pacified my mind from slipping into the idea of committing suicide. But I even didn’t have the minimum health to do it, both mentally and physically. Those days happened to be the peak of mental, physical and financial torment. I lost hope as I found doors closing one by one before me. My heart’s probably last beats began echoing in the palm of my affectionate mother. Her eyes were always wet seeing my angry and melancholic countenance. Neighbours and the public rushed to my home to pay funeral homage in advance. Unable to see my hopeless but smiling face, gnashing teeth in heavy pain, even my intimate friends fled from me.

I waited for death, having nothing else to do, submitting my head before the sword of fate. But, death also betrayed me. I didn’t die. And didn’t know when would I die or how long I shall live. And more importantly, what to do till I die. I was completely clueless of doing anything creative or meaningful. I had even lost my anger. Slowly, I found my mind getting warmer and brighter. A breeze blew into my soul.

The God Almighty often sends unknown divine persons towards us, about whom we have never heard before or had never thought of their existence. God must have lost His peace of mind due to the consistent prayers of mine, my friends and my dear students.

Eventually, the Almighty showed mercy upon me, not once, many times. A drawing teacher from Puduppiriyam High School, named Radhakrishnan master, was the first person who came to help me. His wide understanding of diseases, his contacts with doctors and acquaintance of hospitals gave me hope and confidence. Once we established our friendship, the teacher started accompanying me to hospitals, most of the times, like a mother. Another door of love opened before me, in a quite unexpected time, was former Chittoor MLA K A Chandran Sir. I used to remember him often, as one of the congratulation letters I had received for scoring high marks in the SSLC was signed by him. Now, this amazing man, having known about my condition, came to see me directly. When he consoled me, I couldn’t stop crying.

As a result of his effort, Madhyamam daily carried a report which was a token of recognition for the humble services I had been doing to educate my villagers. More happily, the report brought me financial assistance too. This wonderful man even did not want his name to be known to others. I am sure the God wouldn’t be deaf not to listen to my prayers for him.

My treatment restarted with the money I got. Again I was fed up when I saw the prescription; there was no other solution than an expensive major surgery. It was in this situation, a lovable Jamat-e-islami supporter called Yunusikka appeared. His good friends agreed to pay one part of the expense of my surgery. Then my abundantly loving villagers too joined hands to collect the huge balance amount. Till my last breath, I cannot forget the rare act of selfless leadership that Shams Annan, Taj Annan and other friends took to get the money collected. Thus the surgery took place at Ramakrishna Hospital in Coimbatoor under the leadership of Dr. Bala Subrahmanyan.

During the days of acute pain, once I had told Younusikka that I would be very happy if my legs were chopped off beneath my waist as they both gave me nothing but pain and pain for years. Years later, Younusikka reminded me of this and he revealed that it had left him spellbound and sleepless. Now when I recall all those days, I realize the extent of miracles the God can perform. Those lifeless legs, though partially, support me now to stand up and move. What can I say about this? A mere gift of wonder from the God. I often think the whole episode of those unbearably painful days was for me an opportunity to know closely the omnipresent divinity of the God.

On a Friday morning, knocking my door, came another good brother. Dr. Noushad from Thrissur. Again a sweet gift from the God. I am now completely convinced that my disease was a platform to meet all these virtuous amazing human beings. Looking back from their eyes, I often saw the mercy of the God.

Anyway, today I walk on two crutches; they serve me as an inseparable companion. Many friends often ask “aren’t you going to leave them, man?” I jokingly reply, “No, this is my new style”. An expert doctor once suggested that these crutches could be avoided after one more surgery. I dint not feel like listening to his advice to undergo another surgery. I thought it would be greed. All I have got now is more than heaven on earth. Now I live with small dreams to go ahead with these crutches as far as I can.

( Madhyamam daily news paper, published on 27/6/2006 Tuesday. )

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My Athmavidyaalayam alias Heart for the Good

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My mother is an epitome of patience. My father is a good Samaritan. Both are not very educated. Still, they had strongly wanted to educate their children. My elder brother Musthafa also wanted me to study well. He has sacrificed his good days for our family. These kinds of encouragements always made me first in the school. I always had a strong passion for studies. My greatest luck in this world will be to remain as a student till I die. I got my disease in the first year of my study at the Polytechnic. Though I got relief temporarily, I had lost that academic year. I rejoined in the next year. But the illness followed me incessantly though I was not ready to surrender easily. I returned to my institution to join as a first year student. My batch mates had already left the college after their studies. I studied with my juniors, later they became my seniors. I did not care. “You had better do things late than never doing it”, a quote from Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam’s autobiography soothed my mind.

However, this consolation didn’t last long. Before completing one and half years, my illness intensified. About two years, I was bedridden; even pain killers proved a failure before my pain. I was in house-arrest of the disease for two years, suffering from severe unexplainable pain. Neither could I fight my fate, nor could I yield before it. Boredom killed me. Sometimes, I felt a very strong and irresistible wrath towards things that I couldn’t clearly figure out. Finally, I had to yield before my destiny. There, lying in standstill, experiencing the depth of loneliness, my mind returned to its peacefulness and strong decisions landed inside my heart. I felt a graceful obstinacy inside me. I prayed for patience. I wanted to do something meaningful and inspiring. Thus came the idea – no, the determination – of setting up my Athmavidyaalayam.

I glanced through the SSLC syllabus once more, which I had very enthusiastically studied some time back. Without delay I started home tuition for SSLC students. God’s mercy! About 20 students turned up in the first batch. Students throbbed from the surroundings in the morning and evening and they sat in crowds before me as I was lying on my cot in a tiny room. I began to see the outer world through them. I gave my love to them like I was taking it from a sea, generously as if perhaps I wanted to get it back in the same breadth and depth. At the same time, there was strict punishment for disobedience; they learnt, wrote, read, played and lived before me. They gave me this new life. As I had to deal with all subjects alone, I had to read a lot, to prepare. Boredom now had no room in my home. I had been teaching all the days in a year except those I had to go to hospital.

I slowly forgot my physical pain thanks to the intimacy and affinity grown between my students and me. Gradually I even forgot about the disease, medicines, hospitals and doctors. My students made me forget even my sense of pride. I was obsessed with thoughts about my students and apprehensions about their future. The self-motivation within me made my students smart. The dynamic hard work of these young boys and girls helped them to obtain the school first ranks in public exams in X Standard, since 2006 till date. Their success shines as golden feathers on the victorious cap of ‘My Athmavidhyaalayam’.

This chain of victories, led me and my teaching career to a nearby school called CHMKSM UP School, as the management kindly allowed us to take tuition classes in the school. Now, every morning and evening, before and after the actual school timings, I teach my children here. I often look back to old painful days where I used to lie down on my cot in a narrow room and used to tell my kids lessons by putting a slate and a piece of chalk close to my chest.

When Kamar Annan, the manager of this school had come to console me at the time of surgery, he understood my mind, saw my dreams and wished me good luck to walk as early as possible. He allowed me to use his school in holydays for the tuition class as a solution to the inconveniences that I was suffering in taking classes at home. His good heartedness and generosity transformed my humble home tuition into a commendable institution sort of thing. As we had begun with 20 students, now the Athmavidyaalayam (about which my students call BCC, the Best Coaching Centre), has more than 200 students. BCC also has about 10 teachers who are my former students. Students from V Standard to XII Standard study here. Besides, we provide PSC Coaching on Sundays and Saturdays. Now there are almost 80 SSLC students.

We do not confine our students’ thoughts into the syllabus; rather we help them plan their career and provide them timely career guidance. Also, I seek help from friends to introduce new kinds of courses and prospects of distant campuses about which I am not very familiar. Students in my locality used to stop their studies in high schools. Now they enquire about different universities for their higher studies.

I am very proud that my students have been studying in different Arts and Professional Colleges. The first student who joined my school was a drop out in the IX Standard. He had then left the school and went to a work shop for job. He happened to be with our institution and now has become a graduate. In a way, I am trying to challenge the destiny, which once let me down by abruptly ending my studies, through giving what I have missed to many students.

Today four students of mine are studying in Palakkad Polytechnic where I had to discontinue my course. I am fully satisfied in these blessings from the God.

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Top results of my students in SSLC

is given below...

2007 Name : Hasna.R Place : Nanadankizhaya School: YMGS kollengode Grade : 9A+, A School first	2008 Name : Naseera.T Place : Nanadankizhaya School: YMGS kollengode Grade : 10A+ One of the School first
2008 Name : Lijin. Place : Nanadankizhaya School: GHSS Muthalamada Grade : 8A+, 2A School first	2009 Name : Salmanul farzy Place : Kambrathuchalla School: GHSS Muthalamada Grade : 8A+, 2A School first
2009 Name : Sabana.M Place : Naripparichalla School: YGHS kollengode Grade : 8A+, 2A	2009 Name : Sudheesh. Place : manchira School: GHSS Muthalamada Grade : School Second

(List incomplete)

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My Small Dreams

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Before I was sick, my dreams were quite banal. I wanted to study well, earn a high salaried job, visit as many foreign countries as possible and to provide a comfortable life to my family; as I have always seen them suffering from various predicaments. I had also thought to do research in some field and become a scientist, that too if possible, when I become quite old. All those dreams were self-centred, like that of any ordinary middle-class boy.

But the hell-like general wards of government hospitals and the ICUs where the footsteps of death always echoed simply shattered me and totally rebuilt my worldview. In fact, almost all general wards where I stayed taught me new lessons of life. It showed me darker and brighter realities of life, and people.

I saw all kinds of people and experiences. Relatives of poor patients striving hard to collect money for treatment, desperate efforts to keep weak bodies alive, certain doctors’ greed and calculations on their investments, some others’ love and prayers and so on. I saw several relatives breaking into loud tears when their patients die, despite the wait for bereavement. On the other hand I saw a daughter grumbling cynically as she had to give her mother company in a hospital. And a daughter-in-law applying ointments on the wounds of her father-in-law even without wearing glows and pleasantly eating his left-over. I saw completely dead minds, lying unconscious for years, not knowing even where to search for their lost minds.

I registered all these miseries and hardships and predicaments and sufferings of people around me: I multiplied and divided these realities of life and I got answer for many questions that I have been asking myself and to the God. I understood the truth that I am much fortunate as compared to several other patients. I was also convinced that some grade-worthy knowledge from text books was not enough to fuel our lives ahead, but a little wisdom we gain from surroundings could help us miraculously. I decided to transfer what I have earned from the hospital beds and what I have learned through pain, to my students. That is why I teach. Naturally, I am not just satisfied with the ten A+ grades that my students bring to me proudly. Of course, it does make me proud too. But I am trying to expand the horizons of their thoughts and achievements. I hope them to become noble guides for themselves and others, I hope they could rescue many from the selfish motives of Satan. I try to wake my students up to become good human beings before they aspire to become good doctors or advocates or businessmen or politicians.

We solve problems given in text books; but we do not stop there. We discuss the problems of daily life too. My endeavor is to make them aware that it is better to get A+ for their character than getting A+ for all subjects. In order to help them in imbibing humanitarian values, we spend an hour every week, at least: we discuss social issues, familial problems, personal crises, news clippings and lot more. As a continuation of this, we allot assignments and practical works. For example, to know the value of the great services of our mothers, we insist students to devote an entire day at kitchen and do every work that the mother at home. And to evaluate the greatness of father, we suggest them to independently earn at least one rupee in a given period. We routinely ask them to find out the poor and needy in their surroundings, those who suffer from various torments. Then, we provoke them to actually come up with solutions to help them. These experiences are collected as assignments and documented.

I am convinced that the hollow education system that doesn’t stress the importance of character development and personality formation will produce extremely skilled monsters and sophisticated devils, and will ruin the primary need of education: humanity.

It’s high time to wake up. What should we do? I wonder what do the educationists think about this when they routinely reform the curriculum.

What we badly need is not teachers who preach science or values, but great masters who actually show pupils how to live and face predicaments. We have to implement this difference by influencing students from KG to post graduation level. The moral studies are to be considered as part of the syllabus. A specially trained teacher is needed to teach this subject in each school. And grades should be allotted through continuous evaluation. The paper pieces that are called conduct certificates are nothing but farces actually. Same is the case with the 40 days social work certificate which is necessary to obtain the degree certificate. They do not share any value, nor do they belong to our tradition.

There are disturbing news from schools and colleges. Classmates stabbing each other instead of sharing love and sacrifice. Getting nude and erotic pictures of girls on mobile phones and spreading them via blue tooth and internet. Wouldn’t such stories open up our eyes? We will have to stop a moment and think: what we can do to save ourselves and our upcoming generation from a cultural anarchy and grave insecurity?

I dream a day would come when our authorities get awakened to teach moral values in schools and colleges, that too systematically and effectively. I wonder if I could also add my humble experiences into such a syllabus! I work hard with a prayer that no child in my neighborhood stops her or his studies for lack of money or guidance. Also, I dream of my lovable BCC children getting admitted into the best centres of learning like IIT, IIM, IIST and more.

We are planning to set up a library at my village. A large collection of books for my small Nandakizhaya village still remain a dream. I don’t know whether this blog open a way to achieve big dreams. I think Almighty will give me to find a group of sincere friends to encourage this divine attempt, to give me energy when I get tired.

Let me now conclude here with the hope that I could reach my modest hopes to you also.

Sure, I cannot claim that I have changed all my students through these humble efforts. But the seed I have sown in their minds will sprout one day in an appropriate climate. I hope that that will spread a lot of shade trees. I visit my students’ houses almost every evening. Each visit sweetens my expectations.

“We, the BCC students, putting aside all our personal and family problems, will turn our complete attention to studies. For this we will spend our each moment into hard work. For this we will march forward unaffected by failures. We will be always the travelers on the path of virtue, the protectors of the beliefs of our guardians and we will carry out their expectations.”

Oh God! Please bless us to become good human beings, make us useful to our homes, families, villages and the whole world. Help us to know the truth and speak it. Enlighten us with your love and give us courage to have fraternity with the ones in need.

Thanks alot...rafeekbccmalayalam.blogspot.com

for contact : rafeek.bcc@gmail.com

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